Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
