my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
