im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
