Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm too high and old for this...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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