Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
