I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
