if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
