his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
