i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
