I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
