I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
