Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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