I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
