She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
