Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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