Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
