You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
