Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
