Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
