That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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