I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
