yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
