can u get pink eye on your cock?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
