super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
