I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
