I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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