I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
