Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
