Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
