New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
