hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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