he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
