its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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