i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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