So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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