My first STD was from a foam party
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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