I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
