my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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