sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
