I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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