Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
