Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
