Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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