is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
