Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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