It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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