his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
