Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
