Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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