I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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